Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize