In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize