I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I checked into jail on foursquare
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
