we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
