He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
