Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize