I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you didnt know i had herpes?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
