capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
