im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
