if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
