i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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