that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
