Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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