it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
