I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Everclear isn't food dammit
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
