I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
