I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
