Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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