i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
