He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
