Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize