i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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