WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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