Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
