people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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