Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
