I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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