Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
