I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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