i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
