I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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