I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
