i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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