I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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