Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
It's Friday. Sex?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
