I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
