Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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