I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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