people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
