We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
