Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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