I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
