I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
