New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
