On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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