I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
third nipple confirmed
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
