It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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