matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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