That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
