How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
