cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
