My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
