he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
