did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
