someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize