The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
