She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
