well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
