do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
