i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize