I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
