I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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