Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
