It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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