..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
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