So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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