Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
