Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We left the knife in your bed.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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