My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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