so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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