Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize